Chapter three nearly broke me. I wrote it four times. Four complete drafts. Each time, I deleted everything and started over. The first draft was too theoretical. No evidence. Just me thinking. The second draft was too evidence-heavy.
Quotes everywhere. No interpretation. The third draft was a compromise. Still didn't work. I was ready to quit. I called my mom. She's not an academic. She's a nurse. I told her I was failing. She said: "Helena, you've been working on this for three years. You're not failing. You're just stuck." Then she said something that changed everything: "When I can't figure out a patient, I stop looking at the problem and start looking at the person." I thought about that for days.
I was so focused on the chapter that I forgot why I was writing it.
What was I actually trying to say? I stopped writing. I made tea. I sat outside. And I thought: what's the one thing I want my committee to understand? The answer came: I want them to understand that the standard interpretation is wrong. That's it. One sentence. I wrote the fourth draft around that sentence. Every paragraph asked: does this help prove that the standard interpretation is wrong? The fourth draft took two weeks. It was half as long.
But it was better.
Quotes everywhere. No interpretation. The third draft was a compromise. Still didn't work. I was ready to quit. I called my mom. She's not an academic. She's a nurse. I told her I was failing. She said: "Helena, you've been working on this for three years. You're not failing. You're just stuck." Then she said something that changed everything: "When I can't figure out a patient, I stop looking at the problem and start looking at the person." I thought about that for days.
I was so focused on the chapter that I forgot why I was writing it.
What was I actually trying to say? I stopped writing. I made tea. I sat outside. And I thought: what's the one thing I want my committee to understand? The answer came: I want them to understand that the standard interpretation is wrong. That's it. One sentence. I wrote the fourth draft around that sentence. Every paragraph asked: does this help prove that the standard interpretation is wrong? The fourth draft took two weeks. It was half as long.
But it was better.
