Found a source that complicates my entire dissertation. At least it's not a contradiction this time.

[ViVi]

Just found a source that doesn't contradict my dissertation. It's worse. It complicates it.

The source adds nuance I didn't include. Perspectives I didn't consider. Variables I didn't account for. My neat, tidy argument just got messy.

Before, I could say "X caused Y." Now I have to say "X contributed to Y in certain contexts, but also Z and A and probably other things we haven't identified yet."

That's more accurate. More honest. More scholarly. It's also harder to write. Harder to conclude. Harder to feel done. My advisor will probably love this. She loves complexity. Loves nuance. Loves when simple answers become complicated questions.

I hate it. I want to be done. I want to defend. I want to graduate. Complexity is the enemy of done. But I can't ignore it. That would be bad scholarship. Bad ethics. Bad for my soul. So now I'm rewriting. Again. Incorporating nuance. Acknowledging complexity. Letting go of the clean argument I wanted.

It's better. I know it's better. But better and done are different things right now.

 

[Lisa]

Congratulations you just became a real scholar. The first stage is wanting clean answers. The second stage is finding messy ones. The third stage is learning to write messy answers cleanly. You're at stage two. It sucks. It gets better. Maybe.